A few weeks ago, my eleven-year-old daughter received a text message from her friend asking for a favor. Her friend "broke up" with her "boyfriend" and wanted my daughter to text him a nasty message. Of course, my daughter agreed; that is until I took control of the situation.
Credit: goodncrazy.
When I heard all the ding-dong message alerts going off on her phone, I asked her what was going on. She filled me in on all the sordid details of how this boy was cheating on her friend. After about a minute of me staring off into space in total disbelief, we continued our chat:
Me: "First of all, why does this girl even have a boyfriend? She's only eleven."
Her: "Everyone does."
Me: "Do you?"
Her: "No."
Me: "So, it's not everyone. Good. What did you tell her?"
Her: "I told her I would send a message."
Me: "AHHHHHH! No! Listen, if you send this boy a nasty message, he could very easily say you are bullying him, and he would be right. Then, his parents would report it to the police, and I would get a phone call and we'd all have to go down to the police station and figure this whole thing out. And, I'm pretty sure your friend, who put you up to this, would be long gone.
Her: (big sigh) "I didn't think of that."
Me: "Also, your friend needs to fight her battles. She needs to tell this boy, whatever it is she wants to tell him, herself. You don't need to get in the middle of their stuff.
Her: "What do I do?"
Me: "Just tell your friend that your mom won't let you send a message."
Her: "Okay."
And it was okay. I'm happy to report they all lived happily ever after! No one was mean, and everyone is still eating at the same lunch table. But this got me thinking: Did we make a mistake giving her a cell at this age?
In my little world, I would say half the kids her age have a cell phone, while the other half don't. I know parents who are fine with their kid having a cell phone or social media account, and I know parents who are dead set against it. I can take my daughters phone away, cut off her internet, and somehow, someway, she will figure how to get back online. It's what kids do. It doesn't mean they're bad kids; it's just what they do. And personally, I would rather know what she is doing so I can monitor her closely.
My daughter is clueless, and its up to me seize every teachable moment that comes our way. Let's look at the situation my daughter went through. If we take away the cell phone, could the same thing have happened? Absolutely. Back when I was her age, it would have been a handwritten note. My daughter's friend could have very easily persuaded her to say something nasty to the boy, call his house, or slip a note in his locker, or whatever else her young mind could conjure up.
It's not about the cell phone or the internet or social media; it's about teaching my daughter how to maneuver successfully through life. Problem-solving, thinking things through, being able to see the big picture; I'm not going to live forever, and she's going to need these skills. I call them life lessons. She probably calls it annoying, but I know, when she's thirty, forty, or fifty years old, she's going to thank me. I think!