Gather around, my friends. It's our favorite time of year: bad prom dress season! While we love the girls inside the dresses, we feel it's our duty to guide today's youth in the area of formalwear. The BlogHer editorial team passed around a few pics ... what do YOU think?
Strapless Lace Dress
Image: Jovani Strapless Lace Dress
Karen: This is not a dress. It is lingerie. You wear that under a dress.
Julie: This IS a dress. It is a wedding dress for a Vegas showgirl. It might be Ver-sayce. Why it is listed in the “Prom Dresses” section, though, is an unfathomable mystery.
Jenna: Not even Madonna would wear this white lace get-up. And she's Madonna.
Rita: She’s next to the water because the sea witch stole her voice before she gave her legs and made her wear this human dress to impress the prince.
Long Sequined Dress
Image: Primavera Long Sequined Dress
Jenna: Just don't sit down. Unless you like the plumber look.
Rita: I want her to be holding a white chair in front of a tiger.
Karen: I like glitter as much as the next person (probably more than the next person, actually) but those sequins = serious chafing. I don't even think Body Glide can save you.
Long Two-Piece Dress
Image: Sherri Hill Long Two-Piece Dress
Jenna: You know, I think a friend of mine wore this in 1999. Is '99 already vintage? If so, pass me a stiff drink.
Rita: This dress is so awkward, there’s really just no good way to stand in it, amirite?
Julie: Photographic proof that you have to be very very drunk to leave the house in this one. Keep holding on to that wall, sister. We’ll get through this.
Karen: This dress screams "Jessica Wakefield" to me. Sweet Valley High 4ever!
Illusion Bodice Dress
Image: PromGirl Illusion Bodice Dress
Jenna: If you look closely, the bodice is actually looking back AT you. Possibly to take your soul.
Rita: The costume director from Beetlejuice called ...
Julie: I would have appreciated a Sparkle Goth Prom option in high school, actually.
Sleeveless Lace Dress
Image: Jovani Sleeveless Lace Gown
Jenna: That’s not “romantic, beautiful lace.” This dress is bringing “Grandma’s tablecloth” to the prom. And not even her nice tablecloth. It’s just an everyday tablecloth, dyed green. Grandmas everywhere will see this dress and ask where to purchase it for their Tuesday luncheon with the other Blue Hairs. But really, the construction is so poor I fear that the floating lace covers on the breasts will lead to an unfortunate Janet Jackson slip up. And then what’s Grandma gonna say? Nothing good. Nothing good at all.
Julie: That dress looks like a turtle.
Karen: Turtle Power!
Rita: Aw. She’s hiding.
Sheer Illusion Long Dress
Image: Jovani Sheer Illusion Long Dress
Karen: This dress is a walking wardrobe malfunction. End of story.
Julie: Prom dresses this year keep using that word "illusion." I do not think it means what they think it means.
Jenna: I’m pretty sure this dress requires super glue, which means you’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life. Keep that in mind.
Rita: This dress was wholly funded by Hollywood Tape.
Sleeveless Sheer Panel Dress
Image: Jovani Sleeveless Sheer Panel
Karen: I don't understand this dress. It's a skirt. And crop top except it's not a crop top. It's a vest. But it's not any of those things because it's all connected by sheer mesh to make it a dress. My brain is confused.
Julie: That guy’s tie and that girl’s vest are actually part of the same “destination casual” chain restaurant uniform. They just need some flair to tie it all together.
Jenna: If your date ditches you, grab a pair of pants and a white button up and you can help the staff serve dinner!
Rita: The official prom dress of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
What have you seen? Do you like any of these? What do you love in a good prom dress?
Rita Arens is the author of the young adult novel THE OBVIOUS GAME& the deputy editor of BlogHer.com.