10 Things Teens Do Better Than Anyone Else

Although the youngest of my three children will soon be 19, and there are still days of the down and dirty teen years challenging us every now and again, I am fairly confident that we are almost out of the woods.

Credit: justien.

Strangely, I actually feel a bit disappointed because there are some things that teenagers do better than anyone else on the planet:

1. Lose Track Of Time: Ah, to be blissfully unaware of the time of day or night. They are up at 3:00 am and asleep at 3:00 pm, they miss every curfew you impose because they "just didn't realize how fast the time went," and they can eat pizza for breakfast and eggs for dinner. So awesome!

2. Ding And Dent Automobiles: If, thank God, you manage to get out of the teen years with nothing worse than a few dents and dings, be eternally grateful. However, it is amazing how little attention they pay to minor accidents. I can't tell you how many times I asked a kid, "hey, what's up with the scratch in the door?" and was met with, "oh, yeah, I hit Tommy's mailbox the other day." Frighteningly, I knew I'd never hear from Tommy's parents about fixing any mailbox because they have no idea it's been hit by my kid. Or, I would ask innocently,"How did the side panel get smashed up?" and be answered with, "Katie backed into me the other day when we were all driving to the beach." There is never any consideration given to either telling me about the incident or getting anything fixed. How nice is that?

3. Clog Any Drain You Have: I truly don't know how the stuff gets in there. Hair, and let's just say pretty much anything else you can imagine. If you don't have Drano by every sink, shower, or toilet in your house, go get it NOW. I don't know how they aren't all bald. So crazy.

4. Challenge Your Self Confidence: They will argue every point you make, they will make fun of your clothing choices, make you feel like you are 100 years old and have had a bad hair day every day of your life. They think you know nothing, and are the most mortifying parents in the world. What's really terrifying is when they are right...

5. Not Appreciate Or Be Grateful For All That You Do: Just give up. They aren't horrible ungrateful little s****. Maybe you happen to have one that is appreciative, but consider yourself lucky, because the majority is truly self-involved. Don't take it too seriously or doubt that you've been a parent who thought she taught gratitude. One day, and it is not as far off as you might think, they will really need something and suddenly, you are the best, smartest, and kindest person in the world. I love that day.

6. Be Fiercely Loyal Friends: Don't even try to get your kid to rat out a friend. Or for that matter share pretty much any little detail about their buds. Let's face it: Friends at this time in their lives are everything and the rules of teen bonding are pretty tight. When reality of life sets in and friendships and all things adult tests friendships, it's a little bit sad to lose some of that innocent and ironclad loyalty.

7. Make Questionable Decisions: "You thought that was a good idea? How exactly?" Famous parent to teen question! Look, teens aren't really capable yet of making great decisions and by the nature of their age are supposed to be experimenting and seeking independence. So when Johnny and three of his friends are peeing off the balcony, climbing onto the middle school roof at 3:00 am, or sleeping through their Time Management class midterm, just pray that none of their idiotic choices have truly disastrous consequences. When they do this stuff, take a breath and think back to times when you may not have made the best choice either. Actually, sometimes, it's pretty funny. (Just don't let them know you think so.)

8. Smell Fear And Recognize Hypocrites: If only this talent lasted forever, but for some reason, it's like teens are bloodhounds or savants when it comes to judging character or sensing weakness. If you try to lie to them or tell them that they will die if they smoke marijuana as you are pouring yourself your nightly glass of wine, you are doomed. They won't believe a thing you tell them after that and they hate nothing more than hypocrisy. They know when you are uncertain about a decision and will keep coming back at you over and over until they break you down. So, here's a warning: If you let them see any weakness, like being the substitute teacher in a high school class, they will own you. Ah, such power!

9. Be Spontaneous: If someone's got a great idea or some outrageous plan that seems even remotely fun, they are in. Doesn't matter time, location or cost. Somehow they are able to overlook all obstacles and go for it. For such youth they have a fantastic sense of "seize the day." Just stand back and watch it happen. Awe inspiring!

10. Be Pretty Awesome: I don't know why, but even with all its challenges, teenagers are my favorite people on the planet. They have such energy, are so open to new ideas, so in love with life most of the time and so eager to try it all. For all those reasons, it is also a scary time for parents, but I believe they can teach us something every day and if you set certain expectations and let them have at it, they will stun you with their abilities and ideas way more often than not.

So, officially, in about a year, I will no longer have any teenagers. How sad is that?

What do you think teens do better than anyone else on the planet?