"Even more importantly, we know that playing sports makes women healthier. They're less likely to smoke, drink, use drugs and experience unwanted pregnancies. Studies also link sports participation to reduced incidences of breast cancer and osteoporosis later in life. These health benefits for women and society alone should be reason to keep Title IX strong."—TitleIX.info
A girl tried out for our school's basketball team. She was strong, fast, and easily as good as the boys or better. She didn't tryout to become a poster child for feminism - she just wanted to play some ball, and she was damn good. It was a joy to watch her play, and I'm not even a basketball fan.
However, life isn't that simple. The coach chose to quit rather than allow a girl on his team. The coach was beloved by his players— they flocked around him like baby geese the moment he appeared at tryouts every day. All the kids faces lit up like Christmas trees when coach came in the gym, so it wasn't surprising that two-thirds of the kids quit the basketball team in support of their coach.
I had to explain to my fourth grader why in the final week of basketball tryouts the group dropped from 30-odd kids to twelve. I explained that the coach didn't want a girl on the team. I said things like, "Some people think girls are too fragile and might get hurt," but that sounded dumb even to my own ears. I tried calling the coach, "old fashioned," but that didn't sit right with me, either. I realized that although my son's school has taught him all about equality, he has no context to understand sexism. Finally, I defaulted to a comparison with racism, which at least he had heard of before.
"Do you know the word racist?" I asked. "It means some people don't like people based on the color of their skin."
"Yeah, but that's stupid. It makes no sense," he answered.
"You are right, it makes no sense. When you judge a whole group of people for something like skin color, especially if you assume bad things about them, that's called prejudice. Sexism is the same thing, only it is assuming that girls aren't as good as boys, and don't deserve to play sports, when every child has the right to tryout for the team," I explained.
"The only thing that matters is if you are good enough to make it or not," my son added.
"Right, and T--- is clearly good enough. She deserves to play."
I am a little naive. I really didn't expect to have to explain sexism to my nine year old in a present tense situation. I really thought all of this was in the past. My parents fought to pass Title IX before I was born. Forty years later, I didn't expect it to still be an issue.
I told my son that I was sure most of his teammates would come back to the team once they realized that the issue was gender parity. I have faith that most people didn't know the exact reason the coach left, and of course they wouldn't support sexism. It doesn't seem at all reasonable that people I know and like would side against a girl. But I also fear I am being foolish.
"Will the coach come back?" my son asked me. I could see that it was hard for him to reconcile that someone he really admired could abandon the team over something as ridiculous as letting a girl—a really awesome player—on the team. I could not explain to him how someone he looked up to could hold a belief so radically different from what felt right and just to my son.
"I don't know, Honey," I told him, "but if he wants to come back, I think we all would be happy to see him. I hope he knows he can come back if he wants to."
As nice as that sounds, though, I don't know if it's true. It takes a big person to come back after drawing a line in the sand, and it also takes strong hearts to welcome someone back after a giant debacle. I can't say that I feel this is a likely outcome from either perspective.
Even though this sounds like not much has changed in forty years, that's not true.
The school did not waiver for an instant in support of the female athlete. They rushed to her defense, even though they knew it would cause a lot of controversy. The powers that be knew that the law was very clear on the rights of the girl, so whether they agreed or not (and I suspect that they did) they had no choice but to act firmly and quickly against gender disparity.
A mom friend said to me, " I am a Republican and I think this is ridiculous. What does that tell you?" I will love her forever for that statement.
My ex-husband, who is a decent man, but not nearly as liberal as I am in general, told me, "My son will NOT play on a team that doesn't allow girls to play." He vehemence made my head spin. It's not that I thought he was sexist, I just didn't expect him to make such a strong statement without even a moment's pause.
I emailed the school director in support of the school's decision, and she said that she received more positive feedback than negative.
It's hard to understand the battles our mothers fought for equality. I can't picture not being allowed to wear pants to public school even in winter. I can't imagine a school that only had cheerleading for a women's sport. But our mothers (and some of our fathers) fought so our battles would be easier, and I have to say, I can see progress.
Don't get me wrong—it shook me to my core to see blatant sexism rearing its head in my own backyard—but the knee-jerk reaction of the school was to side with the female student, firestorm be damned. It's not about being a strident feminist anymore. It's just common sense.
I hope the students that left in a huff will return for the last tryout, for many reasons. It's important to know, especially when you are only in fourth through eighth grade, that it's okay to change your mind, to rescind a decision that hurts other people and yourself. I want my son to have to compete against all the kids for a spot on the team, which he is not guaranteed to make as a fourth grader whom never played basketball before. I do not want him to make the team because everyone else quit.
I want T- - to have solid competition, and her toughest competitors all quit the team. It's going to be a hollow victory if she has to play far below her level because everyone else abandoned her. Mostly, though, I want to believe in the goodness and fairness of the world. I need to believe we've made significant progress in the last forty years. A girl who wants to play basketball shouldn't worry about making a stand, she should only worry about making the team.